Last week we met two very GODLY couples, just in the PREP stage of their relationship. PREP describing a relationship moving toward marriage with no engagement or wedding date set. Both of the these couples, one from very inside our church and one from another area church are excited about being placed with a PREP coach to study what God's word says about marriage and learn tips to strengthen their couple relationship... how REFRESHING... now on to Jack & Jill's would be friends...
...Ann & Andy (as we will name this couple)...they called tonight having heard about our marriage mentoring program from her boss, and elder at our church. Ann & Andy are living together and getting married next June. They are VERY excited about going through our Premarital Coaching program and then on to our Marriage Mentoring after their wedding next year. I told them we have a very comprehensive marriage mentoring program. It starts out studying HOW GOD suggests to "do marriage together," then pairs you with a second mentor after the wedding that helps you be accountable to "doing marriage with Christ at the center."
Is this a test to see how we will handle couples that are living together? I say no, it's just the Lord reminding us to meet our couples where they are and show them Christ's love like the woman caught in adultery, John 8:11 states that even Jesus himself does not condemn this woman. I think we must choose love, pointing out truth in love and condemn no more...yes, Mike, dropping our stones all together.
So pray for us as we yet again work with another couple, eager to marry, yet choosing to live together as the world (Hollywood especially) has taught them. We pray that our words and love will be used of God to transform unbelievers and believers alike, to raise the standards in their lives and live above reproach and choose purity all the way to the altar, thus SOS, Serving Our Savior.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
To Marry or Not Marry Debate
My husband and I have a lay ministry within our local church that pairs premarital and pre-engagement couples with Premarital Coaches from our church family that can take the younger couple through 6 sessions from a book by FamilyLife, Preparing For Marriage. Couples have been known to come to us for marriage training and to learn what God says about marriage in various stages of their relationships with each other.
At our Mentor Workshop this past Sunday, a certain situation with one couple was the highlight of some spirited debate. This debate is TO BE CONTINUED, as we ask each Mentor on our team to take this situation to prayer, as we come back in one month to discuss a plan for us to work together with Pastors on just this very subject, one that we think we will be seeing more and more of. Please read the story below.
Jack & Jill, (as we will name them) came to us in these past few months via our local church. They are engaged and desiring to marry in just a few short months. A date has been picked and wedding plans are well on their way when we first meet with them. The groom-to-be leaves for deployment with the Armed services 60 days after we get their information and doesn’t return until two weeks before the wedding date. So, in their case, we have a lot of sessions to cover in a short amount of time. Our church had not even had time to meet with them before our ministry kicked in to full speed ahead.
Jack & Jill currently live together and are not hiding the fact. We (my husband and I) believe that today’s culture and Hollywood, lead most people to just believe that it is a way of life these days. Most think it’s a way of life for all people, including Christians. We, on the other hand are very clear about what Scripture states about keeping pure before the wedding. We have all of our couples study a section in our premarital book about purity. We have them sign a purity covenant at the time that it is understood and they are ready to accept it. We use several scriptures to plead God’s case for purity; 1Thessalonians 4:3-8, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Acts 24:16, 2 Timothy 2:22, Exodus 20:14, Ephesians 1:4, 1 Peter 1:14-16 to name a few.
Back specifically to the case of Jack & Jill…
Jack and Jill filled out a Groundwork deck of information before they met with us. Both checked, “Sort of certain,” in the box under the question, “How sure are you that you are going to Heaven when you die?” The choices were; Absolutely Certain, Sort of Certain, Not Certain at all. We feel very confident that in the first couple of sessions in which we met with them, that we were able to secure their understanding of the Gospel by taking them through “The Four Spiritual Laws,” as written in the back of our premarital book, Preparing For Marriage. In fact we believe that this was very new information for Jack and that during this time he did accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior. Jill had known Jesus as a child, but had slipped away from her faith, and was concerned that she would not be forgiven.
One of our Coach couples helped do two of the Sessions with Jack & Jill. It is our hope that this coach couple would Mentor this couple for the one-year period after marriage. This is part of the second part of the Marriage Mentoring program that we have established at our local church. It is this Coach couple’s view that we are rushing Jack & Jill through the program and condoning their sin of living together. My husband I feel that given the time frame we had to work with, that we are rushing it through for the date of the wedding’s sake. It is not our suggested way to do Premarital Coaching.
At this point Jack & Jill had not met with one of the Pastor’s that would be marrying them. Pastors at our church will marry equally yoked couple’s only. That would be two professing Christians or two non-Christians, but not one of each. When the pastor marrying Jack & Jill met with them, he felt confident that they both had accepted Christ as their Savior. He also suggested that for the two weeks after Jack returns from deployment, that one of them should move out and live with a friend.
My questions to you are: How do you feel about couples living together? Should our Pastors not marry them? Should we shun them? Or should we hide our heads in the sand?
We look at it very simply. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? He would probably agree with their sin, and tell them to “GO AND SIN NO MORE.” But, would Jesus want us to judge them if they continue in their sin? I say, not my place. My place is to love them unconditionally, point them to the truth and allow God to work in their life. This allows us to keep an open bridge to our local church with them.
My husband firmly believes that had we turned them away, they would not be on the path to growing more Christlike today. They are hoping to stay pure until the wedding, but are open to say it's been a struggle... DUH. However, we would like to love them first, while pointing out the complications of not being above reproach and that they are lowering their percentage of staying together and not divorcing by 50%, meaning that they have a 25% chance of NOT divorcing according to cohabitating.org
So, we stopped the conversation to say, one; we would pray together about what to do, how to respond, and two; how to approach our Local Church Pastors with the loop holes they are leaving, etc. We don't have to stand before God and marry them, but we are accountable to what the local church requires. We are reminded that this has been a process of perfecting as before this ministry this specific church had no premarital program. Each Pastor did their own Premarital Counseling with the couples they would marry. Many times this would be two sessions or less.
At our Mentor Workshop this past Sunday, a certain situation with one couple was the highlight of some spirited debate. This debate is TO BE CONTINUED, as we ask each Mentor on our team to take this situation to prayer, as we come back in one month to discuss a plan for us to work together with Pastors on just this very subject, one that we think we will be seeing more and more of. Please read the story below.
Jack & Jill, (as we will name them) came to us in these past few months via our local church. They are engaged and desiring to marry in just a few short months. A date has been picked and wedding plans are well on their way when we first meet with them. The groom-to-be leaves for deployment with the Armed services 60 days after we get their information and doesn’t return until two weeks before the wedding date. So, in their case, we have a lot of sessions to cover in a short amount of time. Our church had not even had time to meet with them before our ministry kicked in to full speed ahead.
Jack & Jill currently live together and are not hiding the fact. We (my husband and I) believe that today’s culture and Hollywood, lead most people to just believe that it is a way of life these days. Most think it’s a way of life for all people, including Christians. We, on the other hand are very clear about what Scripture states about keeping pure before the wedding. We have all of our couples study a section in our premarital book about purity. We have them sign a purity covenant at the time that it is understood and they are ready to accept it. We use several scriptures to plead God’s case for purity; 1Thessalonians 4:3-8, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Acts 24:16, 2 Timothy 2:22, Exodus 20:14, Ephesians 1:4, 1 Peter 1:14-16 to name a few.
Back specifically to the case of Jack & Jill…
Jack and Jill filled out a Groundwork deck of information before they met with us. Both checked, “Sort of certain,” in the box under the question, “How sure are you that you are going to Heaven when you die?” The choices were; Absolutely Certain, Sort of Certain, Not Certain at all. We feel very confident that in the first couple of sessions in which we met with them, that we were able to secure their understanding of the Gospel by taking them through “The Four Spiritual Laws,” as written in the back of our premarital book, Preparing For Marriage. In fact we believe that this was very new information for Jack and that during this time he did accept Jesus Christ as his personal savior. Jill had known Jesus as a child, but had slipped away from her faith, and was concerned that she would not be forgiven.
One of our Coach couples helped do two of the Sessions with Jack & Jill. It is our hope that this coach couple would Mentor this couple for the one-year period after marriage. This is part of the second part of the Marriage Mentoring program that we have established at our local church. It is this Coach couple’s view that we are rushing Jack & Jill through the program and condoning their sin of living together. My husband I feel that given the time frame we had to work with, that we are rushing it through for the date of the wedding’s sake. It is not our suggested way to do Premarital Coaching.
At this point Jack & Jill had not met with one of the Pastor’s that would be marrying them. Pastors at our church will marry equally yoked couple’s only. That would be two professing Christians or two non-Christians, but not one of each. When the pastor marrying Jack & Jill met with them, he felt confident that they both had accepted Christ as their Savior. He also suggested that for the two weeks after Jack returns from deployment, that one of them should move out and live with a friend.
My questions to you are: How do you feel about couples living together? Should our Pastors not marry them? Should we shun them? Or should we hide our heads in the sand?
We look at it very simply. WHAT WOULD JESUS DO? He would probably agree with their sin, and tell them to “GO AND SIN NO MORE.” But, would Jesus want us to judge them if they continue in their sin? I say, not my place. My place is to love them unconditionally, point them to the truth and allow God to work in their life. This allows us to keep an open bridge to our local church with them.
My husband firmly believes that had we turned them away, they would not be on the path to growing more Christlike today. They are hoping to stay pure until the wedding, but are open to say it's been a struggle... DUH. However, we would like to love them first, while pointing out the complications of not being above reproach and that they are lowering their percentage of staying together and not divorcing by 50%, meaning that they have a 25% chance of NOT divorcing according to cohabitating.org
So, we stopped the conversation to say, one; we would pray together about what to do, how to respond, and two; how to approach our Local Church Pastors with the loop holes they are leaving, etc. We don't have to stand before God and marry them, but we are accountable to what the local church requires. We are reminded that this has been a process of perfecting as before this ministry this specific church had no premarital program. Each Pastor did their own Premarital Counseling with the couples they would marry. Many times this would be two sessions or less.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Our Thoughts On Couples Who Have Coupled Too Soon
As couples grow closer to each other emotionally and spiritually, the natural response is to move closer to each other physically. God intends this area of our lives to be enjoyed to the fullest, but within the context of marriage.
We live in a promiscuous age in which people promote safe, protected sex yet ignore the terrible damage that sex outside of God's provision of marriage does to the human heart. An entire generation is marrying and re-marrying with deep wounds and scars caused by its past choices.
The consequences of premarital sex include:
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)From the world's viewpoint, maintaining sexual purity before marriage seems like a cruel and unusual punishment. Many people consider it strange if a couple does not sleep together before they are married. "After all," they say, "shouldn't they find otu whether or not they are sexually compatible?"
It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (NIV)
We live in a promiscuous age in which people promote safe, protected sex yet ignore the terrible damage that sex outside of God's provision of marriage does to the human heart. An entire generation is marrying and re-marrying with deep wounds and scars caused by its past choices.
The consequences of premarital sex include:
- Lack of fulfillment
- Inability to respond physically in marriage
- Financial loss
- Loss of spiritual interest
- Loss of communication
- Distrust/Dishonesty
- Lack of respect for one another
- Lack of sympathy
- Rejection by one another
- Conflict with one another
- Blame
- Guilt
Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call ont eh Lord out of a pure heart. II Timothy 2:22 (NIV)Here is where you will find a warfare prayer. Praying this powerful prayer will break the stronghold of premarital sex. This prayer can be used to take back the ground given to sin, no matter how long ago it took place.
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9 (NIV)
Heavenly Father,
I come before you with a desire to make sure that old things are set right and to drive away the influence that was assigned to me by my enemy Satan after my sin. My desire is to confess my sin and fully repent before you, and to reset the devil in the authority of Jesus Christ in order to take back the ground I gave in my wrongdoing. Father, I come before you in the name above all names, Jesus Christ. Lord, I confess the sin of premarital sexual encounter(s). I am foolish, prideful, lustful and wrong. It was evil in your sight. I am sorry, I am repentant, and like David I ask that you create a new heart in me.
Thank you for the privilege of confession and thank you for the gift of forgiveness. Thank you for choosing to remember my sin no more. I also want to come against the enemies of Christ that were assigned to harass me because of the ground I gave to the devil through sexual sin. I reclaim the ground that ground in the power of Jesus Christ and I come against the bitterness that could result in my marriage. Satan, I know what you are about and I resist in the power of the resurrected Lord. I have authority in the blood of Christ. To those who were a part of the foothold, BE GONE. That ground is no more.
Thank you Lord for allowing me to be more than conquerors. And, thank you for this victory.
In Jesus name,
Amen
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